Saturday, December 27, 2008

Veni. Vidi. Vici.

My life has taken a 360° turn in the last three months of this year. This time has taught me three important lessons. So here are my revelations, explained perfectly in the three words uttered by one of my favourite heroes from history: Julius Caesar.

Veni (I came)

I came to the conclusion that love is fleeting, success is momentary and friendships are fickle. Which means it is all transitory.

Contrary to these revelations appearing to be a major let down, I have never been happier. Cos now I realize that the one true thing I need to be happy is me, myself and I. It is when one tries to find their own worth in others or in outwardly actions that the dejection comes. The three things I hold dearest to my heart and the source of all my joy until now have been given and taken away from me throughout these months but I reckon it is all for the best. I (re)discovered and then subsequently lost a dear love. I earned a great job solely based on merit but then was made to question whether I deserved it. I found a new sole sister for life but had to break equally important old ties.
I now know that happiness lies within ones self and I am at peace with myself and content with what comes my way.

Vidi (I saw)

I saw what life is like from the other side of the spectrum. A place where there are no boundaries, no questions and no restrictions.

My daily existence is marred by a constant juggling act between reality and the surreal. Born into a household of tradition, orthodoxy and religion... I am an ultra-modern, free-spirited atheist. For the first time in my life, I was living on my own, in a new city, immersed in sin. From the hassles of having to make my own cup of coffee in the morning to worrying about the no-show of the maid. From the worrisome laundry bill to the irksome grocery shopping. From the less than enthusiastic morning trudge to get the newspaper to the uninhabited painting the town red at night. I did it all, and enjoyed every moment. Soaking in each memory to last me a lifetime.
The days made me understand how precious independence really is. I need to reclaim my own independence again, some day soon.

Vici (I conquered)

I conquered a fear that had plagued me for a long time. That of self-doubt. I learnt how to relinquish control, not try and hold onto everything too tight and just let myself be.

As a sworn control freak I tend to over-analyze, re-think and be unnecessarily critical about whatever I do in life cos I worry about what will happen if I do not do everything perfectly and how others will perceive me. That behaviour has in the past led me away from many a good moments and wrecked me with constant worrying. Now I have loosened the noose I had put on my life and done what I never would've done before. I go with my gut instinct and not what I consider to be the appropriate thing to do.
It has made me into a better individual who is willing to take more risks and not always do what's right.

As perhaps one of my most tumultuous, action-packed and emotionally draining years draws to a close... I am ready for the one ahead.
It's a fresh playing field. I am a changed person. I have a better attitude. I got a new job. I've found deliciously new mistakes to make. Bring it on 2009!


taurius1 said...

Congo Bongo!!!

It's always a nice feeling to be doing something this exciting!!


SIM said...

@ taurius
Congo Bongo :D Haha! Exciting indeed.

Mystique said...

I came to the conclusion that love is fleeting, success is momentary and friendships are fickle. Which means it is all transitory.

some friendships last. some love does too.

SIM said...

@ Mystique
I agree they do, read the lines in the context of what I've written afterwards... What I meant to say was that one should not rely on the permanence of these 3 factors or base their life's happiness on them. One's joy instead should be channeled from within. I have a best friend for the past 12-13 years but I never take her or her presence in my life for granted.

InExile said...

friendship among women... yes is very fickle in most(99.7%) cases !

SIM said...

@ Exile
Haha! That's all you got out of the post? And btw I meant friendship across the board, not just between women. Infact one of my longest lasting friendship has been with a girl, for the past 13-14 years.

Sree said...

Being content with oneself is a shakable path which takes a while but shall find the peace eventually.

Some clicks here n there led me here and liked what I read.Happy 2009.

Divya said...

u published a draft dint u! u seem happy :) for an overthinker, thats a change... u go girl :D