Thursday, December 28, 2006

The Festive Crunch...

So the thing that gets me most about the festive season...more than the sporadic bouts of fake enthusiasm and supposed high spirits...(spare me please) is the fact that everyone is in town on a holiday. Yea they all get leave from work and fly in from all corners of the country and the globe. At last count, i had about 10 friends coming in. It is a lot of fun actually. Catching up with all of them, reminiscing and getting drunk...coz there is just so much coffee one can have ;) and then coping with the hangover at work, while all those buggers sleep in late coz they ain't got jobs to go to...hmph!
Anyways so the point im getting at, no wait there is no point to this ranting...well what im saying is that with my 'newly single' status, its even more fun to soak in all this revelry. Im getting my fair share of ex's, crush's, maybe's and never ever kindda men. And its the first time in nearly a decade that i got no affiliations or ties to hold me back.
So i spent my weekend in a daze of coffee, pub hopping, dancing and all that jazz. Christmas eve was a BBQ dinner at a pals terrace and then on Xmas, i even managed to have a guy cook lunch for is sweet! In between all this i squeezed in a movie with my kiddie cousins and went to see Happy Feet. Dancing and singing penguins...thats what the movie is, not a good proposition for that sunday morning headache. Well i just enjoyed the popcorn and diet coke.
The flip side to all this fun and frolic, is the morning after...well not quite literally. But still. Im yet to recover from this extended weekend (where im sure i've put on atleast 10 pounds with all that turkey, vodka and wine) on a lazy thursday morning, while the other one is already looming large.
My oh my, the festive crunch!

Friday, December 15, 2006


Have you ever had a line from a song you heard somewhere in passing, play over and over again in your head? You don't recall any other words, just those 1-2 lines, don't know the name or who the artist is. Yet it keeps tugging at you, disrupting your normal flow of thought. It could be for any reason...whether you loved the voice, or the emotion swept you or some inane generalization.
Well, i've had these lines in my head for a long time...take my empty body and discover me, infinity.
I finally found it after a lot of frantic searches. Ok in all honesty, i bugged my dearest friend to find it for me but still. And now i can't stop playing it on a constant loop. So im sharing my joy with all of you :)

We are all like astronauts
Discovery, infinity
Take my empty body
And discover me, infinity
Forgive the endless longing
So it's crazy you and crazy me...

...We're wasting up our lips
They're interlocking, we are centipedes
Take this to the floor
It's interstellar with our blue-black needs
Forgive the endless longing
So it's crazy you, crazy me

* Infinity by Inara George

Thursday, December 14, 2006

The Breakup... (Part II)

Its been a week now. And im alright. I get to work every day, finish my assignments and deliberately spend each night surrounded by friends at some concert, play or the neighbourhood pub. So my day is too damn full to sit and sulk. I know, i know. This ain't healthy. But ignorance is bliss right? So yes, i am blissfully happy. And this is my way of dealing with it.
A very wise woman had said, 'stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truely happy. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.'
These words are my dictat for every relationship now. Coz as i explained to a fellow blogger, i gotta live with myself a whole lot longer than i live with any man. And at the end of the day, i should be able to look at myself in the mirror and not feel like i settled for anything less then the best.
But the best part about being single is that i actually get to live by myself. Now that is something i haven't done in a long time. Coz even when me and my ex took the on and off "breaks", the explore and experiment streak would take over. So in many ways, i feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulder. I can be selfish for a change. No ditching plans coz he's got last minute work, or not meeting that old flame for a drink since he's in town, or having to acccomodate my girl's night outs on the same day as his boys night, and i can finally return all those phone calls and sms's which i never got time for before. Yes i sound selfish enough now. That'll be all for once.
All in all, it's the breakup i gotta get over. The love will stay on for a long time to come.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

I've Been Tagged

Well i've been tagged by daring diva Intimate Liasions...
Here's how it works: You write some weird things about yourself that people might not have known and then tag other bloggers to do the same...
here are some of my idiosynchricies:

1. Im freakily obsessive about cleanliness. Yes i will insist you clean your hands before dipping them in my tub of popcorn and no i will never have nuts from the common bowl at the bar!

2. I have a thing for tall men coz i love wearing heels and like to look up rather than down at them. Also, its great when they hug u and you can feel enveloped in their arms.

3. I've dabbled in some experimentation but chicken out of menage-a-trois, coz sharing ain't caring in this regard.

4. I can never sleep till i've been in bed for atleast an hour, with music piping through.

5. Im in a profession that requires me to mingle and network with a lot of people. But my personal space is very sacred to me and at times i project a image of detachment and bitchiness - according to all the people i don't care to dabble in mindless small talk with. Well i like it that way.

Im tagging: Ani, Anahat, Lost little girl, Eve

The Breakup... (Part I)

Its happening. It really is. After 5 years of on again, off again. Lots of growing up, countless fights, virgin encounters, swinging from an open relationship to a commited status and numerous happy moments actually single for probably the first time in my life (or atleast as far back as i can remember). Its an odd feeling. I should be mourning at the end of a relationship that saw me from undergrad to my first job, i should be crying my eyes out, wallowing in self pity and misery. Im told that i should deal with it now, instead of running away, or else one day it'll come and hit me out of the blue and i'll be down and out. Well, frankly i'll take my chances. Coz i cant stop living. Yes there was love, yes the chemistry was insatiable, yes it had definate possibilities...wait, why did i end this one again? Ok i think im gonna end up depressed by the end of this post.

But one needs more than just love to survive. When your leading seperate lives, its ok to deal with a few differences but when you start living together, its a whole different ball game. Suddenly you cant stand his friends, he cant understand why you need so many shoes, and neither of you realize why its become so difficult to make a once stable relationship work.

As the years have gone by, we've called it quits many times, then gone out and had our fun, experimented and all. But at the end of the day, we knew we'd always come back to each other. This time its really over. Coz i've steadily turned outwards, while he turned inwards. I cant live in isolation, he doesn't need people around him. And at the risk of sounding like i am too self-involved, i refuse to be an idealist, who believes that love is the be all and end all of everything.

(to be continued)

Saturday, December 02, 2006

With Arms Wide Open

With Creed and Nirvana for company, boss outta town (yes when the cat is away, the mice will play), an empty office room (well almost, the only other colleague who hasn't fallen prey to the nasty delhi weather, sits at the far end) and the humble intention of avoiding everything even remotely related to clutching my ipod, singing at the top of my lungs and musing over the deeper meaning of some cult classic lyrics...bugging off the metro desk journo's in the process. Life is sweet.

Welcome to this place
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
Now everything has changed
I'll show you love
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
If I had just one wish
Only one demand
I hope he's not like me
I hope he understands
That he can take this life
And hold it by the hand
And he can greet the world
With arms wide open...

Now im not overtly articulate but everytime i hear this song, i feel like letting go off all the negative energy around and just embrace life as it comes. There are about a million things that happen everyday, not really affecting your life, but still one chooses to let them become a bother. Traffic jams, power cuts, measly bank balance, girl/guy troubles...all of it just makes it complicated. This is where the power of music comes in, everytime you are overwhelmed, just take 5 and listen to a fave song. Chances are that it'll be an instant mood lift. I know it works for me, and everytime i hear something profound...i try to be all wise and all-knowing and tell my friends how everything will be different from now on. Yea, right! That bliss lasts for all of one day, one & a half at best. And then back again...complaining how everything sucks...blah, blah, blah. But its worth it.
Coz then i'll ponder over these words and let them linger on...The smile will be wider, that kiss will seem sweeter, the wind won't feel so chilly and saturday night blues will be worn away.

With arms wide open.