If in time, I do realize, this path I chose to trudge is only mine... Lit with pride and gumption and a force benign... Unmasked and stripped of all glory divine. With nothing but resolve to steady my sight, I stand firm on virtues ever so unkind. Be proud now and forever more, for life is but a journey, to the end of your soul.
Yesterday I argued with a friend about how morality is the most malleable and abused of all human virtues. Cos the periphery of one persons sense of morality might be the infringement of another's. Also we tend to tweak our definition and understanding of what is morally acceptable and what isn't based on our own situation. How then can you sit on a moral high horse and judge others?
Be happy, be humble, be honest and be true. Those are the only virtues worth embracing and the only values worth undertaking.
It's your life, live it well.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Thursday, April 30, 2009
The Forgotten One
I saw it from afar... A faded image time had marred.
The silhouette of a girl piercing through otherwise vacant art.
Perhaps caught in a moment of abandon, dear to her heart.
Dressed in colours bright, with eyes black as tar.
Her mane fiercer than wind, rendered desires unmasked.
The face of an angel, lit by the glory of a hidden laugh.
Her journey unfolds, as she set out for the world at large.
Every scar unseen, she weaves in songs laid stark...
Of the melancholic beauty of life, that she lived on a lark.
Longing for a hand to hold, something new to start.
Wandering in hope, bursting with a hidden spark.
Dreaming like a child, ready to touch the stars.
She was the girl I saw in a photograph.
Look in the mirror, you can't tell us apart.
But she's a stranger... A ghost in the dark.
That girl was me, before she became my past.
The silhouette of a girl piercing through otherwise vacant art.
Perhaps caught in a moment of abandon, dear to her heart.
Dressed in colours bright, with eyes black as tar.
Her mane fiercer than wind, rendered desires unmasked.
The face of an angel, lit by the glory of a hidden laugh.
Her journey unfolds, as she set out for the world at large.
Every scar unseen, she weaves in songs laid stark...
Of the melancholic beauty of life, that she lived on a lark.
Longing for a hand to hold, something new to start.
Wandering in hope, bursting with a hidden spark.
Dreaming like a child, ready to touch the stars.
She was the girl I saw in a photograph.
Look in the mirror, you can't tell us apart.
But she's a stranger... A ghost in the dark.
That girl was me, before she became my past.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
A Forlorn Hope...
He fights the darkness, as she rests in the grace of the night...
Nesting in the shadows of his warm embrace, her eternal beauty takes flight.
Hiding behind the bosom of her ever kind generosity,
he seeks shelter from that which brews steadily.
Thou craves her so, just as much as she needs thee...
But however may they try, faith hatches devious plans mischievously.
For in his freedom lies the capture of her soul.
When she weeps for him, his heart rages ever more.
When he loves, she sinks deeper in the fold.
Yet one bereft of the other, leaves the story untold.
She, the never-ending blue sky with her pristine virtue and pulchritude.
He, the glorious lightning bolt that jolts her peaceful abode.
Floating upon this surface for the birds, their saga soars.
Nesting in the shadows of his warm embrace, her eternal beauty takes flight.
Hiding behind the bosom of her ever kind generosity,
he seeks shelter from that which brews steadily.
Thou craves her so, just as much as she needs thee...
But however may they try, faith hatches devious plans mischievously.
For in his freedom lies the capture of her soul.
When she weeps for him, his heart rages ever more.
When he loves, she sinks deeper in the fold.
Yet one bereft of the other, leaves the story untold.
She, the never-ending blue sky with her pristine virtue and pulchritude.
He, the glorious lightning bolt that jolts her peaceful abode.
Floating upon this surface for the birds, their saga soars.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Veni. Vidi. Vici.
My life has taken a 360° turn in the last three months of this year. This time has taught me three important lessons. So here are my revelations, explained perfectly in the three words uttered by one of my favourite heroes from history: Julius Caesar.
Veni (I came)
I came to the conclusion that love is fleeting, success is momentary and friendships are fickle. Which means it is all transitory.
Contrary to these revelations appearing to be a major let down, I have never been happier. Cos now I realize that the one true thing I need to be happy is me, myself and I. It is when one tries to find their own worth in others or in outwardly actions that the dejection comes. The three things I hold dearest to my heart and the source of all my joy until now have been given and taken away from me throughout these months but I reckon it is all for the best. I (re)discovered and then subsequently lost a dear love. I earned a great job solely based on merit but then was made to question whether I deserved it. I found a new sole sister for life but had to break equally important old ties.
I now know that happiness lies within ones self and I am at peace with myself and content with what comes my way.
Vidi (I saw)
I saw what life is like from the other side of the spectrum. A place where there are no boundaries, no questions and no restrictions.
My daily existence is marred by a constant juggling act between reality and the surreal. Born into a household of tradition, orthodoxy and religion... I am an ultra-modern, free-spirited atheist. For the first time in my life, I was living on my own, in a new city, immersed in sin. From the hassles of having to make my own cup of coffee in the morning to worrying about the no-show of the maid. From the worrisome laundry bill to the irksome grocery shopping. From the less than enthusiastic morning trudge to get the newspaper to the uninhabited painting the town red at night. I did it all, and enjoyed every moment. Soaking in each memory to last me a lifetime.
The days made me understand how precious independence really is. I need to reclaim my own independence again, some day soon.
Vici (I conquered)
I conquered a fear that had plagued me for a long time. That of self-doubt. I learnt how to relinquish control, not try and hold onto everything too tight and just let myself be.
As a sworn control freak I tend to over-analyze, re-think and be unnecessarily critical about whatever I do in life cos I worry about what will happen if I do not do everything perfectly and how others will perceive me. That behaviour has in the past led me away from many a good moments and wrecked me with constant worrying. Now I have loosened the noose I had put on my life and done what I never would've done before. I go with my gut instinct and not what I consider to be the appropriate thing to do.
It has made me into a better individual who is willing to take more risks and not always do what's right.
As perhaps one of my most tumultuous, action-packed and emotionally draining years draws to a close... I am ready for the one ahead.
It's a fresh playing field. I am a changed person. I have a better attitude. I got a new job. I've found deliciously new mistakes to make. Bring it on 2009!
Veni (I came)
I came to the conclusion that love is fleeting, success is momentary and friendships are fickle. Which means it is all transitory.
Contrary to these revelations appearing to be a major let down, I have never been happier. Cos now I realize that the one true thing I need to be happy is me, myself and I. It is when one tries to find their own worth in others or in outwardly actions that the dejection comes. The three things I hold dearest to my heart and the source of all my joy until now have been given and taken away from me throughout these months but I reckon it is all for the best. I (re)discovered and then subsequently lost a dear love. I earned a great job solely based on merit but then was made to question whether I deserved it. I found a new sole sister for life but had to break equally important old ties.
I now know that happiness lies within ones self and I am at peace with myself and content with what comes my way.
Vidi (I saw)
I saw what life is like from the other side of the spectrum. A place where there are no boundaries, no questions and no restrictions.
My daily existence is marred by a constant juggling act between reality and the surreal. Born into a household of tradition, orthodoxy and religion... I am an ultra-modern, free-spirited atheist. For the first time in my life, I was living on my own, in a new city, immersed in sin. From the hassles of having to make my own cup of coffee in the morning to worrying about the no-show of the maid. From the worrisome laundry bill to the irksome grocery shopping. From the less than enthusiastic morning trudge to get the newspaper to the uninhabited painting the town red at night. I did it all, and enjoyed every moment. Soaking in each memory to last me a lifetime.
The days made me understand how precious independence really is. I need to reclaim my own independence again, some day soon.
Vici (I conquered)
I conquered a fear that had plagued me for a long time. That of self-doubt. I learnt how to relinquish control, not try and hold onto everything too tight and just let myself be.
As a sworn control freak I tend to over-analyze, re-think and be unnecessarily critical about whatever I do in life cos I worry about what will happen if I do not do everything perfectly and how others will perceive me. That behaviour has in the past led me away from many a good moments and wrecked me with constant worrying. Now I have loosened the noose I had put on my life and done what I never would've done before. I go with my gut instinct and not what I consider to be the appropriate thing to do.
It has made me into a better individual who is willing to take more risks and not always do what's right.
As perhaps one of my most tumultuous, action-packed and emotionally draining years draws to a close... I am ready for the one ahead.
It's a fresh playing field. I am a changed person. I have a better attitude. I got a new job. I've found deliciously new mistakes to make. Bring it on 2009!
Friday, November 28, 2008
The City of Screams...
There are some situations that shake the collective human spirit, ignite the mind and evoke inspired words... Then there are situations such as the one unfolding in the heart of my motherland, as I write, that just makes one feel trapped, helpless and broken.
Mumbai, India, 2:25 pm
41 hours and counting... The city of dreams is still under siege. Two edifices that have up until now defined the landscape of the commercial capital of India have over the course of 2 nights been converted into the base of a new kind of urban battleground. Of the kinds previously unseen and perhaps unimaginable.
The operation is well on its way to completion it seems. Both hotels are under the control of the security forces, finally. But as I sit with a constant, uninterrupted stream of images flashing across the TV screens, my mind is still coming to terms with the gravity and magnitude of the loss. One ex-colleague missing and unaccounted for. One friend shot dead point blank. Another struggling for dear life. Along with countless other acquaintances, friends of friends and even strangers.
Never before have I felt as human and mortal as I do now, praying for those I have never met and perhaps never will while cursing the wretched ones who caused this pain.
Most of the people I know have one collective reaction: Counter-attack!
I grieve for those who died and those who lost their loved ones just as much but I do believe that violence begets violence. It becomes a vicious circle and it never stops. And it shall begin now. The finger pointing, the accusations, the guns, the bombs and the plans. We bear witness to an age of suspended warfare. Now we will see how its victims will react.
I won't go into statistics. There are enough concerned citizens already doing that. I just hope for peace. And wish that the screams won't go unheard. God speed!
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Bittersweet Bow
Quickie status check
I can't believe I did it but I finally, actually, really quit. It was long overdue and needed so badly cos I stopped growing in this job about six months back. From then on, it was just another day and another issue to get to press. The media freebies helped ease the pain of course :)
But frankly I can't live like this for long. The obvious reasons for sticking around this long were all monetary. Which reminds me... I don't think I've paid my wi-fi bill this month, so you never know when I'll be cut off.
Since I am still connected, might as well ramble a little...
Today was my last day and I'll just say it was melancholic, exciting and bittersweet all at the same time. Having worked at this place for almost two and a half years has made it my second home. The colleagues are almost like a surrogate family. And the pathetic excuse for a coffee probably runs through my veins along with blood. But today I had to say goodbye and I so suck at it. I have these long pauses and awkward half hugs for fear of coming across too strong. Terrible habit.
Oh golly, the net is still working!
Rather than save or be judicious (as if), I took all my meagre savings and invested them in buying a much needed new laptop. Yay for Mac! And for getting my hands on some budget air tickets so I can start my birthday month as an unemployed, aimless, carefree vagabond in Goa. Yes, that was my birthday resolution and I am actually doing it come tomorrow morning.
So while I am off being a beach bum, hoping not to freak out about the fact that I have nothing to do once I am back (cue the panic attack), you guys & gals have a good one. I gracefully bow out of the ranks of the useful, employed masses as my first vacation in one and a half years beckons.
And the connection seems to be losing strength, so cheers!
I can't believe I did it but I finally, actually, really quit. It was long overdue and needed so badly cos I stopped growing in this job about six months back. From then on, it was just another day and another issue to get to press. The media freebies helped ease the pain of course :)
But frankly I can't live like this for long. The obvious reasons for sticking around this long were all monetary. Which reminds me... I don't think I've paid my wi-fi bill this month, so you never know when I'll be cut off.
Since I am still connected, might as well ramble a little...
Today was my last day and I'll just say it was melancholic, exciting and bittersweet all at the same time. Having worked at this place for almost two and a half years has made it my second home. The colleagues are almost like a surrogate family. And the pathetic excuse for a coffee probably runs through my veins along with blood. But today I had to say goodbye and I so suck at it. I have these long pauses and awkward half hugs for fear of coming across too strong. Terrible habit.
Oh golly, the net is still working!
Rather than save or be judicious (as if), I took all my meagre savings and invested them in buying a much needed new laptop. Yay for Mac! And for getting my hands on some budget air tickets so I can start my birthday month as an unemployed, aimless, carefree vagabond in Goa. Yes, that was my birthday resolution and I am actually doing it come tomorrow morning.
So while I am off being a beach bum, hoping not to freak out about the fact that I have nothing to do once I am back (cue the panic attack), you guys & gals have a good one. I gracefully bow out of the ranks of the useful, employed masses as my first vacation in one and a half years beckons.
And the connection seems to be losing strength, so cheers!
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
The Mistress Of Vices
I would love to start this post by a clichéd line such as, "When I was a little girl growing up in big, bad Delhi... My mother taught me not to be a sinner." Alas, all half-veiled attempts at masking the true nature of this post will take away from it, so that's a no go.
When I was a little girl growing up in big, bad Delhi... My mother taught me one fundamental truth—you either live in society and follow its rules or you live outside it. Hence began my life long love-hate relationship with 'society'.
I like(d) ruffling feathers, breaking the mould and giving the gaping mouths something to gossip about. And being a sworn atheist, I embraced my one true religion completely. If you still haven't guessed it, its vice or sin if you please.
My personal mantra: "Good girls go to heaven, bad girls have all the fun!"
Before you shake your head disapprovingly, there are rebels without a cause and then there are sworn rebels. I never found conforming any fun and when it feels so good to be bad, why bother!
Vice (v[imac]s), n. [F., from L. vitium.]
A practice or habit that is considered immoral, depraved, and/or degrading in the associated society. In more minor usage, vice can refer to a fault, a defect, an infirmity, or merely a bad habit.
So even though all the holier than thou individuals look down on me from their moral high horses... I know that the truth is that we are all sinners. One way or the other. If you got something you love, if there is anything you crave, have a strong need or desire for... It is probably forbidden.
And that keen observation brings me to the Seven Deadly Sins or Capital Vices/Sins. A casual dekko at this hilarious list of condemned deeds got me thinking and then writing and then idling... Leading to this post 2 months in the making (lazy bum!)
Appropriately enough. Let's start with Sloth. Now the fact that this post was stewing in my drafts folder for over 60 days is proof enough of my laziness. On most mornings, my constant struggle to get out of bed without the prospect of a quickie (I mean a caffeine shot!) is a ritual in itself. But Sunday perhaps is my ode to laziness. Kind souls (friends or mostly mom) provide me with food and the self-collected huge stack of books and movies entertain my bed sojourn all through the day. That is the perfect 'sloth'ful Sunday for me.
Wrath or anger is infact my primogeniture. I got it as an inheritance from my male ancestors and I am now the master of my very own anger estate. I run, govern and monopolize it. Which basically means no outside factor can get me worked up unless I allow myself to let it. Quite unlike my Libran birth, when my otherwise calm demeanor is shaken, this woman's wrath knows no bound. Though thankfully, manic Monday (which is a bitch at work) is the only day I let the week get to me. By the end of the day, dear pals have drowned me in enough lush therapy to make the rest of the weekdays 'spirited'.
Tuesday is my full on Envy day. Simple enough reason. I come from an orthodox Jaini family and even though I have already broken my vows by eating beef and drinking like a fish... Grandma's bullying still turns me into a devout follower on this day. No onions, no meat, no liquor. No fun! I envy every single person who can live a normal life :(
Greed rears its ugly head by the time midweek Wednesday rolls along. Media night, ladies night, happy hours... Whatever, wherever. If it promises to get me cheap booze, then I am up for it. Since Wed' is also my busiest day at work, post-office, usually after-midnight hours are spent pub-hopping in the quest to satiate the greedy barfly in me.
By the time my hung over, half-dead self gets up on Thursday, Pride rules my mood. Vanity is as vanity does and the late office check-in equates to very, very useless but very, very selfish time spent indulging in pedicures and massages. Or spent on shopping sprees, usually meaning admiring ones image in giant size shopping mall mirrors. Tsh, tsh!
The most injurious of all my vices is Gluttony. For those of you who don't know, I am a food writer. In case that isn't clear enough, I basically critique food on a weekly basis. Yes this is part of my job and I get paid for it. So the onslaught of the weekend is heralded by an unmonitored, unstoppable consumption of every, and all type/sort/variety of food known to man. Sometimes all three of my meals are review assignments. And if you've ever had the (mis)fortune of being fed like a cow meant for slaughter... You might just understand the amount of food that an eager restaurateur/manager piles on my table. Don't get me wrong, I love it. And so do the lucky friend/colleague who accompanies me. But let's just say, it is quite the unhealthy proposition and is followed by furious attacks at the treadmill.
Last but by no means least. My fave sin aka the most fun... Lust. If any of you deny being a victim of this one, you do not deserve to be here. Now to put it simply, my recent residentship of Freedomville (revert to last post) has led to an increased surge of hormones. And by virtue of being the only day of the week that does not preceede a working day, Saturday is my carnal karma day. Ever since my active membership of the lust club, my heart and head are ruled by only this sin and I can give up everything in the world but this. Trust me, I have tried.
So there you have it, seven sins for seven days. Hey, that has a nice ring to it. And as the Keeper of Temptations to the Mistress of Vices would say... Better late than never!
"Forgive me father, for I have sinned and I love it!"
When I was a little girl growing up in big, bad Delhi... My mother taught me one fundamental truth—you either live in society and follow its rules or you live outside it. Hence began my life long love-hate relationship with 'society'.
I like(d) ruffling feathers, breaking the mould and giving the gaping mouths something to gossip about. And being a sworn atheist, I embraced my one true religion completely. If you still haven't guessed it, its vice or sin if you please.
My personal mantra: "Good girls go to heaven, bad girls have all the fun!"
Before you shake your head disapprovingly, there are rebels without a cause and then there are sworn rebels. I never found conforming any fun and when it feels so good to be bad, why bother!
Vice (v[imac]s), n. [F., from L. vitium.]
A practice or habit that is considered immoral, depraved, and/or degrading in the associated society. In more minor usage, vice can refer to a fault, a defect, an infirmity, or merely a bad habit.
So even though all the holier than thou individuals look down on me from their moral high horses... I know that the truth is that we are all sinners. One way or the other. If you got something you love, if there is anything you crave, have a strong need or desire for... It is probably forbidden.
And that keen observation brings me to the Seven Deadly Sins or Capital Vices/Sins. A casual dekko at this hilarious list of condemned deeds got me thinking and then writing and then idling... Leading to this post 2 months in the making (lazy bum!)
Appropriately enough. Let's start with Sloth. Now the fact that this post was stewing in my drafts folder for over 60 days is proof enough of my laziness. On most mornings, my constant struggle to get out of bed without the prospect of a quickie (I mean a caffeine shot!) is a ritual in itself. But Sunday perhaps is my ode to laziness. Kind souls (friends or mostly mom) provide me with food and the self-collected huge stack of books and movies entertain my bed sojourn all through the day. That is the perfect 'sloth'ful Sunday for me.
Wrath or anger is infact my primogeniture. I got it as an inheritance from my male ancestors and I am now the master of my very own anger estate. I run, govern and monopolize it. Which basically means no outside factor can get me worked up unless I allow myself to let it. Quite unlike my Libran birth, when my otherwise calm demeanor is shaken, this woman's wrath knows no bound. Though thankfully, manic Monday (which is a bitch at work) is the only day I let the week get to me. By the end of the day, dear pals have drowned me in enough lush therapy to make the rest of the weekdays 'spirited'.
Tuesday is my full on Envy day. Simple enough reason. I come from an orthodox Jaini family and even though I have already broken my vows by eating beef and drinking like a fish... Grandma's bullying still turns me into a devout follower on this day. No onions, no meat, no liquor. No fun! I envy every single person who can live a normal life :(
Greed rears its ugly head by the time midweek Wednesday rolls along. Media night, ladies night, happy hours... Whatever, wherever. If it promises to get me cheap booze, then I am up for it. Since Wed' is also my busiest day at work, post-office, usually after-midnight hours are spent pub-hopping in the quest to satiate the greedy barfly in me.
By the time my hung over, half-dead self gets up on Thursday, Pride rules my mood. Vanity is as vanity does and the late office check-in equates to very, very useless but very, very selfish time spent indulging in pedicures and massages. Or spent on shopping sprees, usually meaning admiring ones image in giant size shopping mall mirrors. Tsh, tsh!
The most injurious of all my vices is Gluttony. For those of you who don't know, I am a food writer. In case that isn't clear enough, I basically critique food on a weekly basis. Yes this is part of my job and I get paid for it. So the onslaught of the weekend is heralded by an unmonitored, unstoppable consumption of every, and all type/sort/variety of food known to man. Sometimes all three of my meals are review assignments. And if you've ever had the (mis)fortune of being fed like a cow meant for slaughter... You might just understand the amount of food that an eager restaurateur/manager piles on my table. Don't get me wrong, I love it. And so do the lucky friend/colleague who accompanies me. But let's just say, it is quite the unhealthy proposition and is followed by furious attacks at the treadmill.
Last but by no means least. My fave sin aka the most fun... Lust. If any of you deny being a victim of this one, you do not deserve to be here. Now to put it simply, my recent residentship of Freedomville (revert to last post) has led to an increased surge of hormones. And by virtue of being the only day of the week that does not preceede a working day, Saturday is my carnal karma day. Ever since my active membership of the lust club, my heart and head are ruled by only this sin and I can give up everything in the world but this. Trust me, I have tried.
So there you have it, seven sins for seven days. Hey, that has a nice ring to it. And as the Keeper of Temptations to the Mistress of Vices would say... Better late than never!
"Forgive me father, for I have sinned and I love it!"
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