Its happening. It really is. After 5 years of on again, off again. Lots of growing up, countless fights, virgin encounters, swinging from an open relationship to a commited status and numerous happy moments later...im actually single for probably the first time in my life (or atleast as far back as i can remember). Its an odd feeling. I should be mourning at the end of a relationship that saw me from undergrad to my first job, i should be crying my eyes out, wallowing in self pity and misery. Im told that i should deal with it now, instead of running away, or else one day it'll come and hit me out of the blue and i'll be down and out. Well, frankly i'll take my chances. Coz i cant stop living. Yes there was love, yes the chemistry was insatiable, yes it had definate possibilities...wait, why did i end this one again? Ok i think im gonna end up depressed by the end of this post.
But one needs more than just love to survive. When your leading seperate lives, its ok to deal with a few differences but when you start living together, its a whole different ball game. Suddenly you cant stand his friends, he cant understand why you need so many shoes, and neither of you realize why its become so difficult to make a once stable relationship work.
As the years have gone by, we've called it quits many times, then gone out and had our fun, experimented and all. But at the end of the day, we knew we'd always come back to each other. This time its really over. Coz i've steadily turned outwards, while he turned inwards. I cant live in isolation, he doesn't need people around him. And at the risk of sounding like i am too self-involved, i refuse to be an idealist, who believes that love is the be all and end all of everything.
(to be continued)
10 comments:
"one needs more than love to survive"
but can u survive happily content-fully without love ?
once u find the answer it will either liberate u or "caught" u !
@ inexile
I gotta live with myself a whole lot longer than i have to with any man. Love is important, i wont deny. But so is understanding and compatibility. Sometimes one can love someone but find it difficult to get along with them. Does that make sense?
'...you are the most beautiful space i can get.you are the shortest distance between any two points i make...'
sheesh...im sorry to be quoting from my own blog, but i have prehistorified ( :-) ) those butterflies in my stomach...love is the most beautiful unfulfilled promise there ever is...it deserves the most idealistic notions you can give...and thank god some people chose to move out of anything less than that...
ani...
I like the fact that you're able to look at it rationally.. its a turning point in one's life, to let go of any serious relationship... yes, understanding and compatibility are a lot more imp than (just) love... its not a movie we're living after all, its a real life!
absolute sense ... but losing real good love coz of silly thigns like not being able to get along at times would be a loss .. is all i am saying ... sometimes it doesn't take a lot to mutually change ourselves .. for a better relationship ... of course both of you have to be in synch ...
break- up....where have i been.... hmm....
i think the saddest moment in a dyeing relationship is the one when you realise that it's too far gone to fix - too many fights, too many issues, too much pain (a fight about a bag of chips is never about the chips anymore, infact, chips arent even in it!) and i think at that time, to cut away is the best thing to do...i say being an eternal optimist of the "we'll be great friends after the break-up" thing and knowing full well that this hurts the most but the truth is (yes it is the truth!) that something better ALWAYS comes along...till then we just put on a happy face and have to shine it out :) ooii i sound depressing - sorry but your post raked into some of the stuff
@ pranav
no i don't think ur being too depressing. its blatant honesty right. i know what ur saying and even though it was the hardest decision i made..letting go was the best thing i cud do at this time.
good for you...also some helpful elements that one can tap into - music, lots of tv, dash of family, generous dollops of sex, all served throughout on a bed of friends (not to be taken literally!)...seriously, since one of the first feelings one gets after splitting mixed up thoughts of pain and new found (or rediscovered) freedom - and having friends around just amplifies the good stuff
"suddenly you cant stand his friends, he cant understand why you need so many shoes, and neither of you realize why its become so difficult to make a once stable relationship work."
Im there. And it feels hell wierd.
Yeesh.
Used to a hopeless romantic. gone down quite a bit now.
"Coz i've steadily turned outwards, while he turned inwards."- brilliant line.
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